Back in the late 90’s, during my 7th grade football season, my coach gave a speech to the team about off the field issues. I happened to be good friends with his son, so the speech stayed with me. I don’t know what took place for him to make this particular speech, but I remember him discussing role models and passionately saying if we are looking for role model, we should start looking at home at our father first.
Like most, I found my role models across sports and entertainment industries. Any Stone Cold Steve Austin or Kobe Bryant fans out there? Much like today’s stars, those I looked up to fell short. Several years after following them, I lost respect due to alleged (and some admitted) abuse and affair claims. Now that I’m an adult and see how they actually carried themselves on the court or in the ring, it’s safe to say that I would not be a fan today.
Today’s stars are probably not any worse than the options I had to follow when I was growing up, but their impact seems to be greater and they seem to be praised more. They have a platform to influence our kids – for me, that is a scary thought. Our society gets it wrong. The thought is if you are wealthy, you are automatically an influential person and someone that should be admired and an example to others. Unfortunately, we’ve all bought in and worship these people by following their every move and clinging to their words as if the advice is solid. Why would we take advice from a rich jerk who gained their wealth because they could throw a football or play a GAME better than others? Why do we assume that a socialite who was born into wealth would have any advice for the rest of us- they have no idea what it’s like to live in the real world. To compound issues, you have people in these roles that say the right thing and give you hope that maybe they are the one who gets it. They talk about being drug free only for us to find out later they’ve been busted for possession. Or, you have athletes who claim their Christian faith drives every decision they make, yet openly talk about their sex lives in unmarried relationships and get caught on camera yelling obsenities. Regardless of your faith, it’s disheartening to see someone make such strong claims and then go against them in such a strong way. No way around it, it is a lie, it is hypocritical, and certainly not something we should encourage our kids to follow.
As a dad, I want something better for my kids. I don’t want my kids “Keeping up” with what is currently being pushed through those platforms. I don’t want my kids thumping their chests when they do something well. I don’t want my kids to think sarcastically making fun of someone is okay.
So, where should a kid look for a role model? Us. I think coach nailed it – there is no one better to model the type of behavior and compassion we want our kids to have than us (Do not underestimate the power you can have in another child’s life, especially if they don’t have a father figure. Just like your kids, they want and need someone to follow and show them the way).
This can be accomplished in many ways. I’m starting at the basics.
- Letting my kids know they have a dad that loves them unconditionally and that although I may have missteps, I will never stop my pursuit of compassion, courage and integrity. I want them to know that my values cannot be shaken – I believe in them and they are worth fighting for.
- Showing them they are worth fighting for to make sure they have support in this crazy world everyday.
- Teaching them the difference between true success and how our world views success and to have a heart of compassion.
- Teaching them the value of a commitment and to never back out. A mans word should mean something.
- Most important, I want them to know our Heavenly Father, who is the perfect role model for us all and whose love never fails.
It’s sometimes crazy to think this, but we are raising future adults and parents. Being a good role model for our children, starting now, can have an impact for generations. That’s a lot of pressure, right? It’s also an honor. And there is no one better suited for the job than us.
Adventures As Max: The Everyday Adventures Of Parenthood 